LIFE IS BUSY!
I never realized how little I was doing while we were separated. I thought I was busy then! I mean there were times where life was busy and chaotic, But for the most part I was withdrawn and not...there. I did nothing for myself or for the boys. I just made sure their basic needs were met and they didn't see me falling apart. That in itself was enough to exhaust me.
But now...I have the zest for life back and want to do things. Not only for my boys but for my family as a whole, for Eric, for us...our marriage, and for myself. I'm more in with the present and involved more in life in general. Especially with and for my family.
I'll first touch base on the boys and how they've been. As you all know there were anger issues with them, they acted out a lot, as well as them breaking down a lot because they were so heartbroken. I worried about their transition back into the life of mom and dad being together again because they became attached to Drew. I'm shocked at how the boys became literally overnight once we broke the news to them that mommy and daddy are together again.
All the anger and heartbreak and acting out stopped dead in it's tracks. Literally. It wasn't even a transition. My boys were my boys again literally overnight.
As for them when it came to Drew...that was another worry I had. I worried they would miss him like they missed their dad and I'd have a whole different round of this...thing.
Of course they were sad when we explained to them that Drew wouldn't be in their lives anymore, But that was short lived. To this day I still watch them and see if there's anything that points to them missing Drew because I don't want them to feel like they can't talk about him. He was a part of their lives, for a short time, but he played a significant role in helping them through their tough days.
Since then, there's only been one time Drew was brought up, And that was by Cameron asking if I remember that he made Drew a trophy for hockey. It wasn't sad, Just...a random thought he felt needed to be heard. And that was that.
Ethan is still in that young stage where he just glides with life as it is and I don't see any changes in him in either direction regarding any of this. Which I am thankful for.
I still worry about how this will affect the boys when they get older. All in one year they seen their parents split, their mom be with another man who wanted to be a part of our lives as a family, then their parents get back together pretty much out of the blue and pick up the pieces after that crazy ride.
But all in all....life is good. Great. Wonderful. Amazing. Happy. Complete.
There are times where it's hard. I won't sugar coat that. It's not all easy. I still get flashbacks of the pain I went through and the reason for the pain. I still get angry over what happened. But we're working through it. Together. Eric is there for me 1,000% when I have those moments. I fall-He catches me. Same goes for him.
I will admit there are times I panic slightly. I'm scared. Terrified of getting hurt again. But again...I'm working on it. WE'RE working on it.
What makes everything even better is I finally have my big girl job! It's getting better each and every day. Sucks being the new kid on the block, but I'm getting there. :) It's a job that I love, it doesn't stress me out, and financially helps out a lot!
My dreams have come true.
My boys are happy, Eric is happy, I'm happy. My family is together and complete. There's so much love here. That's all that matters.