The times I feel guilty as a mom.

I have been diagnosed with chronic migraines at the age of 12. There's no definite reason, except it's apparently genetic. My grandpa suffers from them(my mom's side), my mom suffers from them, and I suffer from them.

If you have never had a migraine, it is not just a bad headache. It is one of the worst pains I have felt in my life. Next to labor and kidney infection pain, it's next in line. I get sick, physically sick, and throw up 80% of the time that I do get them. I can't stand light, I get vertigo, I can't stand sound, smell, or even anybody touching me. All I can do is sleep. Sometimes medication specifically for migraines don't help. Sometimes they last for a couple hours, sometimes a couple days. They literally cripple me. And throughout the years I have been getting them less and less. I was actually almost labeled as disabled from my doctor because at one point I was getting 3-4 a week and I am not a productive member of society when I get them.

So when Logan had his first headache, my heart dropped. He was only 5 1/2. Kids should not even get headaches. I got headaches often before I started getting migraines.

Then he had another one.

Then he got a full-blown migraine.

He told me how it felt, that he felt sick, and where the pain is and what it feels like. He didn't like standing/sitting up. All he could do is lay down. I knew. I gave him tylenol right away and he went to lay down and went to sleep right away, right in the middle of the day. He doesn't take naps at all anymore, so there was no mistaking it.

It's been about 8 months since, and he's had a couple more spaced out headaches, but no migraines.

Until today.

I picked him up from his after school program and he had trouble standing up and staying up, he was squinting, and had his hand pushing really hard on his forhead, and his forehead was read from him rubbing and pushing for some time. I knew what was going on before he could tell me. I asked him how long his headache(migraine...but he calls them all headaches), and he said for awhile. I asked him if he told anybody so they could have called me and gave him tylenol, and he said no.

So I raced home, and he said his tummy hurts really bad and he got real pale. Once we got home, he threw up and said his head hurt more.

I lost it! I started crying and saying, "I'm so sorry, Logan. I am SO very sorry I did this to you!"

I gave him tylenol and he's fast asleep in his dark room with the door shut right now.

He got the migraine gene from me. Everytime he says his head hurts, and ESPECIALLY when he gets a migraine, my heart breaks and I feel so guilty.

I know it's something I can't control, but I still can't help but feel horrible like I did this to him. I just hope and pray to God that he grows out of it, unlike I did, and Cameron and this baby don't get it.

I feel absolutely heartbroken. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy...and my own child has it.